The suspicious feeling of happiness

13 Oct, 2026

There's mornings where I can barely open my eyes, barely make my body move from beneath the covers. Not because I'm so snuggly and comfy, but I can't bear to do another day of living within the machine that is the 21st century.

Then, there's mornings like these. My eyes flutter open serenely. I spring forth from bed. My coffee is perfect. My motivation feels high. My inspiration is locked and ready to pour out onto the digital tablet.

I feel…happy.

Not just happy, but suspiciously content. With myself. With where life has placed me. How the universe has guided me.

Every feeling that was freaking me out last week. That was pressing on me yesterday. Frustration that I was bottle-capping. Is gone.

Instead of a tight weight at the center of my chest, there's a fluttery, buttery glee, like the sense and sensation of eating the most delicious popcorn ever. Peace and giddiness.

I am, of course, immediately suspicious of this momentous set of feelings.

Less than twenty-four hours ago, I was contemplating starting a new life on an abandoned mountaintop with no wifi within a hundred miles (kidding? Haha, yes, maybe).

And now, the vision of amazing possibilities, even in the disarray of the modern era, seems immediately present. Possible. Certain.

So I (almost) do what I usually do…what you usually do…at these suspiciously happy times, I (almost) ruin the moment and taint the feeling with an interrogation of self. I feel so GREAT, so what's going to happen today to stomp that vibe? With all the calamity in the world, what right do I have to walk on water today? How is this sense of completeness possible?

But, hear me out, I say to myself, and to you, of course, what if I just don't question it. What if I just let the feeling travel along with me for as far as it's willing to go. What if I just enjoyed being happy, no backup thoughts to temper myself or staple my consciousness back to the gloom.

Unprecedented. Scary.

Finally. Thankfully.

I will try this new chain of thought today, for as far as it goes. And then hope that this new friend visits again, sooner than later.